i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
