Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
