Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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