We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
