I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
