Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
