apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
