oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
