South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
