i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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