I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
