I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
