don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
