I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
