Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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