Define "chronic" masturbator.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
