ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And then he peed in my hair
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