I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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