I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
