I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
