This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
