Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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