Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
