Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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