i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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