I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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