I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
