$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
