I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
