Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love having hate sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
