now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
