dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
