i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
