Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
