ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
