I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
