its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
