I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
