I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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