Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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