do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i think i just lost a toe
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
