I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
