I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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