hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
