actually, I'm a sock model
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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