3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
