i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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