I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
