What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My hand turned me down
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
