i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
