That's when you crack a 10am beer
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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